Annoying Group of People #4: The Whiners Suing Groupon

I hate customers' sense of entitlement. Sometimes people just really frost my gizzard, and whiny, too-entitled customers are high on the list. I read today that there is a class action suit against Groupon because Groupon deals have expiration dates. SO some numbskulls have brought a class action against Groupon in Illinois, where gift certificates are not allowed to expire. There are a few other states like this too - I personally greatly enjoyed my time as a Borders floor manager in California and Massachusetts (as we all know), and in those stores we occasionally had whiny, entitled customers who came in with some gift card they'd had sitting around for ten years demanding we take it. Here's the thing: the smug ones who got all uppity with me, declaring, "I know you have to take this gift card! It's illegal for it to expire!" were sort of sad when I would magically override the expiration date in the register with my mysterious managerial powers because GUESS WHAT you dumb-ass customer? We KNOW the law, too! And we have workarounds! Wow, our nationwide company operating in multiple states actually knows how to operate in those states! Can you, my dumb-ass customer, also function in multiple states, or do you have trouble even leaving your house in the morning and/or finding your own state on a map?

But back to Groupon. I read today that the cl-jack-ass-action lawsuit says Groupon is not actually a coupon (which can expire) but a gift certificate (which can't expire) because customers purchase the deal. What a bunch of losers. I have personally bought deals from Groupon-like deal suppliers (and I subscribe to Groupon, too, but I just happen to be out of the country right now) and I can personally tell you it is not that hard to read the expiration date. Some loser is pissed because he never got around to playing Whirleyball at an amazingly good price. OH WELL. I think he had six months to use it, but he wanted the minimum requirement under Illinois law for a gift certificate, which is five years. Too bad, buddy, I think people who commit such acts of idiotic self-entitlement should be sent off to Libya to help protect demonstrators from murderous government forces and then maybe they'll think twice about what is really "unconscionable" (and yes, they used that word in the lawsuit. Unconscionably short expiration dates.)

First kill all the lawyers? How about first kill all the clients who bring such jackass complaints to lawyers in the first place?

Addendum: Natalie's Black Swanning

Kudos to The New York Times' Carpetbagger, who in predicting the Oscar winners called Natalie's accomplishment what it is. I quote: "Ms. Portman, who spent a year learning to do swan arms and shedding weight, has won some important precursor prizes."

Thank you. That's right. She dropped weight and learned to do swan arms, as I mentioned yesterday. She did not - I'm looking at you Darren Aronofsky, among others - she did not "become a prima ballerina" in a year. Jesus.

The Home Oscars Stretch

The Oscars are almost here! Well technically, the Oscars are almost there - since I'm over here in Asia. But although for me it will be Oscar Monday morning instead of Oscar Sunday, I am still excited and still only a few days away.

So, I know what you're wondering: have I had a chance to see all of the nominated flicks? And the answer is - no! Gaaaah. I have done terribly this year. I suppose some people would not consider it terrible to have seen 8 out of 10 Best Picture noms and anywhere from 3 to 5 of the noms in the acting categories ... and that should be up to 9 out of 10 once I see True Grit this weekend. But I have only gone to one movie since being in Asia this year. (I've also watched a few DVDs and movies on television, so it's not that I've stopped watching movies, fear not.) Why the difference from when I went to an English-language-movie-a-week in 2005-06? Well it's just one of many things different this time around for me in the R-o-K. It's slightly different living in Andong and it's totally different being here with Brian. The whole planning-things-with-another-person means I get less done.

Anyway, I also seriously need to figure out what's up with my computer's virus protection issues so I haven't been watching the nominated flicks by any devious routes. (Last time I was here I had a cheap desktop computer that I bought for $100 from a departing English teacher and didn't really care what happened to it. I should probably do that again.) The point of all this is that - well, there are several points. Here they are:

• I simply can't say whether Javier Bardem, Nicole Kidman or Michelle Williams deserves to win in the Best Acting categories, because I haven't seen those flicks. (Biutiful, Rabbit Hole and Blue Valentine, for those of you out of the loop.)
• Apart from them, I can unequivocally say that Annette Bening is the best and she should win Best Actress. This is no offense to Natalie Portman in the usual "ugh" sense, but just in the "you-must-be-kidding-me" sense. Natalie certainly gasped and sniffled and starved and freaked out through Black Swan but come on. As for the ballet jabber, you will note that most of the shots you see of Natalie dancing in the film involve her arms and upper body, and the long shots en pointe etc. are her double. Which, yes, she had one even though all you hear in the media is that she "learned ballet" in a year for the movie.
  
• And by the way, the film itself is a tad overrated and I'm pretty much astonished Darren Aronofsky stole Danny Boyle's directing nomination.
  
• Because 127 Hours was astonishing.
  
• And I would love to see James Franco win, although I can get behind the Colin Firth thing too. He certainly did a lot, subtly and otherwise, for his performance in The King's Speech.
  
• I don't know what to think about the Best Picture win. The King's Speech? The Social Network? Both were good, but frankly 127 Hours was better and Inception was strikingly better - I'm so surprised it's not in the discussion more. Maybe people will vote for it since Christopher Nolan was robbed of his directing nomination. Maybe True Grit will win, which I find fun even though I haven't seen it yet. It could be this year's Shakespeare in Love?
  
• Sometimes I just sit here and think, "Black Swan and The Kids Are All Right and Winter's Bone got nominated for Best Picture? Really?" Out of those, Winter's Bone is the one I am least skeptical of, but Best Picture? Those are such ten-nominations-not-five nominees.
• But Annette Bening should still win. Because her performance was inspiring, amazing and I daresay flawless.
• I haven't seen the animated nominees (fact: I haven't seen ANY of the Toy Stories, ever.) Nonetheless, I am so passionately in love with The Triplets of Belleville, and have been since 2003-04, that I am rooting for The Illusionist by that association alone to upset Toy Story 3 (which, btw, is also a ten-nominations-not-five Best Pic nominee).
  
• I love documentaries! But I've seen only Exit Through the Gift Shop and Inside Job. Both were great and either could win and make me happy. I'm not counting out Restrepo, which I was planning to watch instantly on Netflix until I learned you can't watch instantly overseas. Which is pretty much my last Netflix straw.
  
• Christian Bale was phenomenal and is entirely deserving of his frontrunner status for Best Supporting Actor and an eventual win.
  
• Melissa Leo was great too, and I will be happy to see her win but there are other possibilities there. The most fascinating in that category, even more than the 14-year-old, is Jacki Weaver, who was obviously great in Animal Kingdom, which we saw at our awesome theater in Chicago for which I am nostalgic. Jacki Weaver made the film a couple years ago and has since been doing her theater thing in Australia and now suddenly everyone in the U.S. is discovering something from which she had totally moved on! So funny.
  
• If Black Swan wins cinematography over Inception and all the rest I might throw things at the TV.
  
• This has been known to happen before, but is still depressing: I haven't seen ANY of the makeup nominees! Sorry, Paul Giamatti! I'll update my virus protection, for reals.
  
• I loved the 127 Hours music (duh, I loved everything about that movie), but is Gwyneth going to sing? I'm into that.
  
• More than I am into, for example, Anne Hathaway singing, or doing anything. Which brings me to my biggest ugh of the whole thing. GOD DAMN WHY IS SHE HOSTING? Grrr. That announcement almost ruined my entire Oscar season. Why can't she just go away? Why does everyone fawn all over her? If she makes a single "Oh-my-god-I'm-so-fat-tee-hee-let's-encourage-Ana" reference (as she has managed to improvise or get written into all her movies like The Devil Wears Prada and Rachel Getting Married) I will throw something at the TV. Shut up shut up shut up. You are not fat, but you certainly are annoying. Why don't you get that written into your scripts instead?
• James Franco is so awesome that his awesomeness just may be enough to cancel out her annoyingness. Here's hoping.
  
• The Visual Effects and Sound categories, always a source of movies that would not be Oscar nominees for any other reason, are good this year: the latest Harry Potter (and I've actually seen it!), Unstoppable (ha!) and even TRON: Legacy. Good times.
  

OK. Even though I am not totally ready, I am ready. As soon as I see True Grit.

Konichiwa!

I have totally not been blogging enough (at all) about our time in Korea. I am now going to remedy that by, um, blogging about Japan. Sorry, Korea! I will get to you eventually. (Meanwhile, if you're really hankering for Korea bloggage, feel free to click the Korea label on the left side of my blog page for all the 2005-2006 Korea ramblings your heart desires.)

So, Brian and I traveled to Japan from February 2 - 5. What an amazing taste of an awesome country that quickly catapulted to a high ranking in our lists of world destinations. We were both Japan first-timers, unless you count the layovers I had in Tokyo Narita airport a few years back, lying around for hours and buying water in the international transit zone with my U.S. dollars and getting change in yen. But we all know layovers don't really count. This, then, was my proper introduction to Japan.

Hurrah for Japan! It's a totally interesting, pretty, historic, convenient, delicious, clean, awe-inspiring, lively, relaxing country. We spent time in Hiroshima and Fukuoka (aka Fukuoka-Hakata). Both of those cities are in the southern/western half, not up top and not next to Tokyo. We took the ferry from Pusan, Korea to Fukuoka, Japan, a delightful three-hour hydrofoil adventure. It's fun to take a boat and then go through customs! But the actual boat trip itself is pretty much like being on an airplane, as you go into an inside part, sit in assigned seats in rows, and watch cheesy en route entertainment. You can't go outside because it's a high-speed ferry and you would fall off and die.

Going to Hiroshima was essential. It was basically a pilgrimage for me: to see the sight where such destruction was unleashed, and to see how the city has channeled its rebirth into a true commitment to peace on earth. "When will we ever learn..." We stayed in a fantastic hostel about five minutes' walk from the peace park and peace memorial museum. The museum is one of the better museums I've been to in the world, with history, photos, dioramas, recorded testimonials from survivors, tattered school uniforms that burned through to children's flesh, a watch that stopped at 8:15 on the morning of August 6, 1945, etc. Everything there is super-interesting, like the twists of fate and clear weather that made Hiroshima the target.

There is also a display of copies of the telegrams sent from mayors of Hiroshima to world leaders every time a country tests another nuclear weapon. Year after year, the Hiroshima mayors ask the world to please seek peace and a world free of atomic bombs. There is a letter to (Nobel peace prize recipient) Barack Obama as well. And yet, the nuclear tests march on.

I cannot recommend the city of Hiroshima highly enough. It is sobering and bizarre to think you are walking around where the entire city was flattened and people were incinerated. On the other hand, it is an amazing city with a fabulous rebuilt downtown area and, I might add, tons of delicious restaurants. Hiroshima's specialties are oysters and okonomiyaki, and we definitely had our share of okonomiyaki (minus the seaweed flakes, for me). Happy hour, a used English bookstore, a sushi party at our youth hostel, a karaoke room with fellow travelers, a walk around a Japanese garden, a hike up to the peace pagoda ... I want to go back to Hiroshima again and again and again.

To cap off our lovely Japan trip, we stayed a day in Fukuoka before catching our return ferry to Korea. Fukuoka is so lively! That's the best word I can think for it. Among the amazing things they have are this great system of street food/drink stalls. They're basically little benches around a bar/grill, with plastic tent-like "door"/walls, so you can pop into one of these street stalls and drink on a Friday night and have a snack and chitchat. We passed by tons of them, but we actually had our sights set on hitting up an izakaya for our Friday night drinking and snacking. I'm so glad Brian was on top of that, figuring out that we needed to go to an izakaya, because we found one and ate yummy food and met the coolest people in the world everywhere we went. Japan totally has it all going on, and have I mentioned how clean and convenient everything is? And efficient. The efficiency is something to behold. We got to take the famous bullet train between Fukuoka and Hiroshima, and of course I am now in love with the bullet train. Fast and fabulous.

In short - we will be going back to Japan, and I now totally understand all you Japan people I've known over the years who are in love with/obsessed with that country. It is a great place to be. I have a new language to learn, clearly...

This is not a Patagonia ad...

...but it really could be. They're just that awesome, Patagonia, that they inspire me to write about them unpaid. (Not that I'm one to shy away from writing things no one asked for.) Of course I refer to Patagonia, the company, not Patagonia, the region which I really, really, really want to visit. For the weekend of January 29-30, I had to settle for the high wind-swept mountains of Korea.

Brian and I got our first taste of Korea skiing at the High1 Resort. It's a pretty new place, in Gangwon province (north of us), sort of near Taebaek. The mountains were beautiful and our hotel was nice, kind of an Overlook-hotel type feel, minus the murderous Jack Nicholson character - and our staff all seemed to be fully alive. The resort, which includes several hotels and mountain condos and whatnot along its windy roads, is pretty new (new enough to not even be mentioned in my 2004-05 edition of Lonely Planet Korea), and government dollars have helped build it. Gangwon Province used to be all about the mining, but now there's not so much mining, so they're all, "I know! Tourism!" Lo and behold.

Well, I'll tell you what, it was COLD up in them thar hills. I love me some skiing, but frigid winds whipping at your pummeled face and even the occasional ski-lift sway are another story. My toes and one or two fingers refused to stay warm, despite their layers. I totally had to tuck inside the mid-mountain hub building for an afternoon churro snack. Yes, you read that right: churro! I was only too delighted to see that is what High1 Resort decided would be the perfect mid-ski pick-me-up.

But here's the thing: even when I was freezing, and every part of me felt the fierce icy air, my arms and upper body did not. Why? Because thanks to Patagonia, I own the warmest shirt in the world. I totally bought it from their website on sale - was it clearance? I should hope not! - the other year, to have something warm to run in. I bought two of their Capilene long-sleeved outdoor sports shirts in fact - one Capilene level 4 and one Capilene level 3. I promptly discovered that I could go running in the Michigan or Chicago winter with only the Capilene 4 shirt for my top half layer. (Hat, gloves, etc. of course ... but no additional shirt layer needed for the run.) I'm telling you, it's the warmest shirt in the world. The even lighter Capilene 3 shirt is good for cool days, rainy runs, and not-quite-the-coldest-day-in-the-world runs. I adore both shirts and can't think of a better purchase I've made recently. I was reminded yet again on the ski lift, while every part of me felt the cold except the part that was covered by the warmest shirt in the world.

Tomorrow's the big day!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it's Oscar nominations time! Tomorrow! Oh boy! And I have watched only three films this month. Boo hoo is right. This is a result of my being in Korea and being unable to run out and watch 2 or 3 movies (in English) every week. The three films I did watch this month were Eat Pray Love (love it!), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (liked it, I think because I never watch any HP so everything was interesting to me but old hat for everyone else), and The Green Zone (I freaking loved this movie and highly, enthusiastically recommend it to everyone right now!)

So. Oscars. The big contenders that I need to see are True Grit, Blue Valentine, Another Year, Rabbit Hole and Toy Story 3. Nor have I seen Biutiful or Conviction, which may well give us some acting nods. Overall, though, I had a good November-December of movie watching and think I am poised to be over 50% when the nominations come out tomorrow.

My story, to which I am sticking, is that 127 Hours is the best film of the year, along with Inception. If either misses out on one of the TEN Best Pic nods I will be incredibly frustrated. It is sort of depressing to see how many people have foregone-concluded that it is between The Social Network and The King's Speech for what will actually win. I want to see a 127 Hours surprise! That said, I liked TSN and TKS a lot. The King's Speech is more than another British piece with people flouncing around to get Academy attention, really. It is dynamic, funny, touching, and an interesting history lesson/thoughtful look at humanity. It was amazing to me what Helena Bonham Carter can do with, like, five seconds of screen time, by the way. As for Black Swan? Sigh. It was entertaining, but it was just so...self-aware. I tend to hate that in everyone-loves-me Oscar contenders.

Actress-wise, I am loving the whole BAFTA thing, that is to say, the whole putting-Hailee-Steinfeld-from True Grit in the LEAD actress category. Every year, people. Every year some actress' performance is called supporting when it's clearly not. Some years, though, the Academy (and other Award-giving bodies) get it right and make that actress a Lead Actress nominee in spite of a Supporting Actress campaign. (See also: Kate Winslet, The Reader) I love it. Since I haven't seen the movie, I can't comment on her over Jennifer Lawrence, whom I did like in Winter's Bone. Nor have I seen Noomi Rapace in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Men Who Hate Women. But I can say this: we do not need to nominate Julianne Moore for The Kids Are All Right. Annette Bening should win (yes, win) (yes, over Natalie Portman's swan) for TKAAR and that's all we need for that.

I thought Christian Bale's performance in The Fighter was one of the most marvelous things I've seen in quite some time. He'll get a nomination, for sure.

I don't really have any surprise predictions or secret thoughts on what's in store...I would like to see an editing nomination for 127 Hours...and Jeremy Renner was the best thing about The Town, in my opinion. It would be pretty bad-ass if Hye-ja Kim, the Korean star of Mother - which we watched at the fantastic cinema across the street from us in Chicago - gets an actress nomination! But I'm not counting on that. Jacki Weaver for supporting in Animal Kingdom is a more likely foreign-actress-in-a-movie-United-Statesians-never-heard-of-much-less-saw bet.

Oh boy! Oh boy! I'll be back tomorrow or the day after to talk about the big announcement!

"Why Don't Mexicans Learn English?"

This is so amazingly awesome that I am going to paste below in addition to providing the link at least twice.

The question was asked:

"Why don't Mexicans have enough gratitude for America to learn to speak English? Are they too stupid? Too lazy? What — they can't learn two or three words a day? Is this asking too much?"
-- Took Four Years of Spanish in High School

The U.S. government shares your concerns. Its Dillingham Commission released a 42-volume study on the waves of immigrants that concluded, "The new immigration as a class is far less intelligent than the old . . . Generally speaking, they are actuated in coming by different ideals, for the old immigration came to be a part of the country, while the new, in a large measure, comes with the intention of profiting, in a pecuniary way, by the superior advantages of the new world and then returning to the old country." The Dillingham report went on to fault the new immigrants for their lack of assimilation and English skills, constantly contrasting them with earlier generations of immigrants, and urged clampdowns on immigration. Sound familiar? That's because the Dillingham report appeared in 1911, and the inassimilable masses at the time were eastern and northern Europeans. The Dillingham Commission proves that the time-honored conservative anecdote that earlier generations of immigrants walked off the boats, chopped down their multisyllabic surnames and learned English immediately is bull-pinche-shit. American racism is a carousel — and here we are again.

The above is from the Phoenix New Times column "Ask a Mexican" by Gustavo Arellano.

Of course, those of us who went to law school and studied/worked in immigration law already know that those mythical fully assimilated previous generations of immigrants never actually existed. But I'm sure the assimilation myth will continue to be screamed from the rooftops by angry Americans. I wish those Angry 'Mericans would read, for example, Polk: The Man Who Transformed the Presidency and America wherein they could learn, as I did, about how very entitled Mexicans are to the land of the Southwest United States, and how very NOT entitled Polk et. al. were to it when they marched in and took it.

New Yearage

Howdy do, blogosphere!

Well, would you look at that. 2011.

You'll never guess where I am...well, actually you might. But that's not the point of this entry, so we'll leave that for another day. (I'm still somewhere in the northern hemisphere, as the above language notes.) The point of this entry is to think about New Year's resolutions. Usually I am really into them, and this year I was so busy and consumed with getting ready for my big New Year's adventure that I never even thought about resolutions - seriously, me, didn't get around to thinking about them - until the night of December 31st. Someone brought it up and I was all oh, yeah - well, if I get on a plane and fly around the world on January 1st does that obviate the need to make a resolution or two?

Of course it doesn't! It just delayed the resolving. Now that I have time to think again, I find my brain turning to resolutions (partly because now that I have time to think again I am catching up on a dozen or so blogs that are all talking about end-of-year and new-year stuff). I think one of my resolutions is about not being angry. Being outraged, in an "if-you're-not-outraged-you're-not-paying-attention" sense is still OK, but anger is different. The thing is, I'm actually not really angry, ever. Hardly at all. But people think I am, sometimes, when I'm not. I find my brain thinking about some kind of resolution for that.

Related to not making people think I am angry, incorrectly, I have also been thinking about etiquette and charm. Part of me actually would like to go to a full-on Southern belle charm school. Another part of me prefers my more Western, renegade outlook on life. But lately I have been thinking about that distinctly Southern talent of telling people basically to go !@$%* themselves while all the while being so sweet and proper and polite that you never stray from proper decorum. I really want that talent. A little while back, during a social gathering a person I know broke into a conversation between me and two other people, because that first person had heard the rest of us talking passionately about a world news issue, and told us to stop talking about politics. Naturally my response was that we all clearly saw no reason to stop talking about politics. The person continued to press the point that there was "nothing we could do about it anyway" (which is not actually true, of course) and also, that I am in the wrong for "trying to convince people" I am right. (Amusing on several levels, that.) In a few minutes, the person left, one of the people from the conversation said, "I don't care if you talk about politics," and the evening went merrily on. But I was left thinking about what I would have said IF I had that distinctly Southern belle sugar-slopping talent that I don't have. It's interesting to ponder.

Anyway, none of this is quantifiable whatsoever, and there have to be some quantifiable resolutions, so I'm toying with simple increase: to read more books, and to travel to more countries, than I did in 2010. I think those just might be my resolutions.