Monday, October 05, 2009

Did you hear Brett Favre plays his old team tonight?

Tonight's drinking game that I'm not playing is sure to have you wasted within minutes: Brett Favre! There he is, playing with Minnesota like the talented if a bit wishy-washy pile of awesome that he is, but tonight it is even more dramatic, as the Vikings take on the Green Bay Packers. His old team! The team he - left? betrayed? misses? should still be helping? Blah blah blah. Whatever your opinion is, tonight is your chance to go hog-wild, so I hope you are watching and taking a drink every time an announcer says "Brett Favre." In fact, if you started during the pre-game show, you may not have even been sober for the first drive. Don't forget to take a shot whenever they needlessly show Favre on the sideline. You know how during a football game there are always those shots of the coaches, the team, the Gatorade, and so forth in between plays? Tonight I think they had to bring an extra camera man to get the Brett Favre Reaction Shot to every random moment.

If you're too wasted to follow the football action after playing this for a while, you can always flip to Hoarders on A&E. This could be my new favorite show! It features people who keep too much junk in their homes. And I do not mean people like me, who keep a fair amount of stuff, or have too many books, or desperately need to go through a pile of old bills and other mail. These people can't see the floor in any room in their houses. They can't see the furniture in any room in their houses. Also, they sometimes keep things like pizza boxes. They can't throw ANYthing away. Furthermore, they don't WANT to throw anything away.

But even if you're not grotesquely fascinated by the actual hoarding or the dramatic shots of piles of junk on stairways, coffee tables, and in bathtubs, or by the stories of people who are threatened with eviction or have their children taken away because their homes are a mess, you might be fascinated, as I am, by the sheer human drama of it. It is really psychologically interesting. The offspring are usually there, too, and they are usually a combination of frustrated, resentful, and horrified by their parents' resistance to the professional help. That is what blows me away the most -- here they have a TV crew, the 1-800-Got-Junk trucks, and teams of people who will help them get rid of all the stuff, but they don't want the help because it's taking away a part of them. I wish someone wanted to clean out my closet for me! I would be stoked. On the show, everyone talks about their issues. Like, the hoarding is clearly about something more than stuff, in the same way anorexia is not about the food, and so on.

Hmmm...these people can't seem to let go of things, and are woefully indecisive, and are fraught with all kinds of esteem problems that seem to block what's really important to them. Do you think Brett Favre is a hoarder?

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