Thursday, December 28, 2006

just keeps on tickin' tickin'

It has now been a week+ since I completed finals. I feel like I'm on another planet. Like that was all a dream.

In the days since finals ended I have, among other things:
  • Had crazy nights of celebrating in Manhattan
  • Had festive nights basking in Santas, carolers, lights, and the like
  • Come to Arizona, where I now sit chez Mom
  • Spent much quality time with my nephew, who totally rules
  • Finally spent some semblance of time with my niece, only my fourth visit in her life, and she is just a little rockstar
  • Given and received Christmas presents
  • Eaten cheese enchiladas
  • Seen old high school friends
  • Argued with some old friends about Brad & Angelina
  • Actually, it was more of an argument about liars and cheaters and betrayers, really
  • Seen the flick Blood Diamond -- quite good in many ways

Right. So about the cheaters. Something weird is going on, or is it? The two days after Christmas, I spent time with different old friends-since-high-school. Both days, in quite separate conversations, we ended up in these intense discussions about cheating, and the evildoers among us who lie and betray their mates. It's actually starting to weird me out how prevalent this theme seems to be in my life this year and in the lives of those around me. It's like, what, have we hit our 30s and now we've entered the cheating decade? You know, first there were the waves of marrying friends, and the waves of friends' babies, and those are still ongoing (I have a couple longtime friends pregnant right now, in fact), but there also just seem to be more and more affairs rearing their ugly heads.

So one friend and I were discussing this, the sort of Desperate Housewives-ization of our circles of friends. And we do not like it, not one bit. Furthermore, we reject this notion that it's the next inevitable phase as we continue pushing our ways through adulthood. It is NOT okay, and it does not become OK just because you've been married a few years/you are dissatisfied/it's hard to face your fears/it's hard to face yourself/you're a damn coward. Of course, it's not just the marrieds; I mean, in my own personal life for example there have been two significant cheaters this year, the one being the most egregious liar I've ever met (I won't say the most egregious liar I know of, but until I receive a White House invitation...).

I don't know--it's really frustrating. It always has infuriated me when people cheat (JUST. BREAK.UP.) but it's infuriating me even more that every time I turn around someone else I know is cheating.

As my friend put it, so much is revealed about your character in that instant in which you betray another. It's the dishonesty that is the most galling part, you know, not the being-overwhelmed-by-temptation part. The fact that someone can have a conversation with their mate wherein they lie/seduce/claim to love/promise to do this or that/claim to be sharing their feelings/agree to work on this relationship and then think they can keep that betrayal to themselves so they don't "ruin" everything?! It's so horrifying. The revelation is not what ruins. It may shock, but it was your dishonesty that ruined.

It gives me a headache.

As for Blood Diamond, Leo and Djimon both gave incredible performances and Jennifer, who ordinarily gets on my last nerve, was actually kind of cool as the crusading journalist.

I just can't believe anyone still buys diamonds at all. Ever. I haven't understood this for years. But, I guess many people persist in living in and/or keeping others in the dark.

1 comment:

jnap said...

Well, Linda, cheating is not new. It is actually quite Biblical. I just think it is more open and more prevalent than it used to be. I remember as a teenager, even the movies about cheating were considered scandalous. Although we all knew it happened, and not just in the movies.

It may be we are more morally "permissive." The same mentality that says we get "do-overs" in life says we can bend the rules (as long as no one gets hurt.) Who are we kidding? We all get hurt. The cheated, cheater, the cheatee... All get hurt.

Why do we stay in relationships in which cheating has been/is occurring? Hope. Hope for something better, new, different, improved.

We are nothing without hope. So, we hope that people behave better, are more respectful, more honest,more dignified, more ethical and moral... Maybe some of us learn from our mistakes.

But, as long as we stay in a cheating relationship, and we do not work for change, stop the cheating change, no matter what role we play (been there, done that) we condone cheating... Cheating can not happen if we are unwilling to participate......